About accepting my fate......I think that's going to change. Because after seeing my marks from my Physics midterm (60%, yeah yeah, I know some of you out there think it's good, but at SFU, I got on the Dean's Honour Roll - do you see the problem?), and after knowing that there's no way that I passed my Calc II final fairly (if at all), I don't want to continue this program. The way I see it, I want to quit after this semester is over. Why?
I don't want to be depressed. But staying here, trying to keep up at the rate that Chinese students here go at is insane. I mean, not only are these people going 2 chapters (or sections for Calc) a day, but they are incredibly smart. Being in the same class and taking the same tests not only is incredibly stressful and demeaning while trying to do the homework and tests, but seeing the other student's grades and comparing them to yours is just painful. There are so many homework assignments (which we get EVERY SINGLE CLASS) when I just feel like I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing.
Academically, I don't belong here. If I was a high school student from China, my marks would not get me into this university, and for a good reason. It's like any sport. You have to tryout and then you get placed into whatever level you fit best. That's not to say that you can't try to improve and get higher, but they will not allow you to go into a higher level without that improvement. This is not only for you, since you won't get your ass kicked and not contribute at all, but also it pushes everyone to push harder since you are working and competing with people of the same level field (I think anyways). When there is too big of a gap between the top students/athletes/etc and the lowest ones, the top might get sloppier and the low might just feel humiliated. That's not always the case, but I believe it to be majority of the case.
Also, it's not only that I don't want to commit academic suicide (which is what I think this program is), but when I take a class and do the work, I take it so I LEARN. I don't feel like I'm learning here. And for me, that also adds a lot of weight to my decision.
So what does this add up to?
I want to quit the program after this semester.
I don't want to be depressed every single time I do homework.
I don't want to feel behind every single time I attend class.
I want to understand the content.
I want to learn.
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For me the frustration has been in not studying C language prior to coming here. The first courses in Java and Python at SFU should be supplemented or replaced by a C language course to match what the Chinese students have during their first year since the Data Structures course is based on C. Data Structures isn't a difficult course, but without the foundation C language knowledge it's like trying to build the second floor of a house before building the first. I blame myself for not having learned C previously before coming to SFU, however the typical student who relies upon the curriculum will encounter a built-in problem. This can be easily fixed for the next group of SFU students by including study of C during the first year.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that, Cynthia. Hope things will work out for ya =) Remember, you always got friends here at SFU who'll welcome you back! Good luck!
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